Mikki's Posts

It's snowing outside.  Not the blizzard like snow or the stuff that really accumulates.  I think it's movie snow.  Girlfriends have talked of it lately; they want movie snow. I joked of setting up wind machines and getting bleached corn flakes or shredded foam to make them "movie" snow.  Now as I look outside I see what they meant.  Like looking through a filter of white flakes--everything seems pretty. The wind has been blowing too much for me.  The umbrellas outside the window are coiled and secured but still they sway and swish and rock, precariously it seems, under the ferocity of the wind's wrath. Just goes to show: life is not a movie. No matter how I imagine it so, life doesn't flow like a nice little tide story on the silver screen.  Life has plot lines that don't get resolved, relationships than never heal and wind that blows too hard. These descriptions could all be said of bad movies as well, which are perhaps closer to life than "good...

God is pretty good about sending us messages. We just have to listen. Case in point--the devotion I journalled about today was concerning Matthew 20:1-16. It's often found with the heading 'The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard'. The story Jesus tells is about a vineyard owner who goes out and hires workers early in the morning to work in his fields that day for a denarius. As the day passes, the owner goes out again at the third, sixth and ninth hours of they day, offering work and telling the other workers he would pay them whatever was right. The owner even goes out at the eleventh hour and finds still some workers left to hire. The end of the workday comes and the owner tells his foreman to call the workers so they can be paid their wages. He starts with those hired last and pays them a denarius for their labor. Those who were hired at the first of the day saw this and assumed they would be getting more. When they get a denarius, they grumble about th...

Apparently discipline doesn't happen overnight. Well, I knew that but once you make a plan and start working it, it gets a little frustrating when you trip up at first. It takes something like 21 days to form a habit so I'm going to keep plugging away. Devotions have been small but have been happening. The journalling plans have not happened every day but like I said I'm going to keep going. The neat thing has been my prayer life. It's starting to come back quickly. At the least the how part. Again working on the when and making it a part of my day. But it's feeling more natural already which I think is pretty cool. And how like God is that? In Jeremiah God speaks through the prophet and says, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when...

Sorry to butcher the English language, Mom, but today kinda sucked.  Several things went well this morning.  But then a bunch of stuff just blew up in my face, metaphorically speaking.  (At my job, there are things that could blow up.) So yesterday there were several crying fits for no reason.  "Be careful what you wish for."  Today I had a reason for the breakdown into tears.  Not that it was really work that was getting to me.  Yes, the frustration of work was not helping and I did get a little violent with a disposable glove box that was packed so tight I couldn't get gloves out and when I pulled really hard they flung up and out and spread over the floor, and chair and desk in a seven foot radius.... Really though it was because I got off to a bad start. I missed the whole of my devotions this morning.  I got rattled when there was a truck on the highway for about 6 miles with no lights on.  I prayed he'd get them on and as I exited I fin...

I've got football on the brain.  Just watched the Colts today and we're off to the Superbowl!  The following haiku are not connected exactly...though they are a little tunnel visioned.   Warning, these are obviously not traditional haiku.     The Win kickoff commences-- early lead fades quickly but we're a comeback team Manning four time mvp he's lead us to victory now another ring? Career Highs Oh! Pierre Garcon, how lovely were your catches, and how swift were your feet. Austin Collie how much fun to be an NFL rookie bound for the Superbowl. Perfect Season? Fans learn their lesson Caldwell, Colts define their own perfect season end. Colts vs. Saints They're Miami bound Two weeks until the big game Someone's history... Go Colts!

This a great song that's really picked me up.

I've had such an amazing few days off.  I've seen friends that I haven't seen for months, and some I just saw last week.  I got things done: emotionally, mentally, chores wise. I needed a swift kick in the butt this week.  Thankfully I had some friends and family to provide it.  I've even got a girlfriend who's been calling me daily to check up with me.  I'm really blessed to have so many people to turn to for help. That said, I have to wonder how many people out there suffer with serotonin deficiency, depression, S.A.D.D or dysthymia and don't get help.  Whether they feel they don't need help or don't want help or maybe they think they have no one to go to. That's never true.  There's ALWAYS help to found.  There's always someone who cares, someone who'll listen.  Yes, there is God.  I would recommend talking to Him.  But you know what; God's made sure there are people here to help too. So I encourage anyone who might stumble ac...

I have learned much this last week.  I had a great response to my informal survey on devotion and prayer time among my Christian friends.  (See the previous three posts for those details.) So now that I have all this information at my disposal, what am I going to do with it you might ask?  Well I'll tell you.  I have developed a plan for me to start out with. My new devotion plan involves eating within an hour of waking up and doing my daily quiet time before I get to play with my blackberry.  This takes into account my work days when I'll be at work doing my devotion before getting started.  I've started to make a habit of getting to work early anyway so now I can do my devotions in that time.  For days I'm off, there's no computer, TV or blackberry before devotions and some prayer time. The one exception is for now I'm getting the Daily Bread email until the little booklet comes.  I'm allowed to look that up on my blackberry.  But onc...

Not really my own writing.  But something I got from my mom.  A reminder of who I really am, so that in those moments, hours, days, whatever, when I'm "feeling" less than my best or I'm beating myself up over a percieved failure I can read this and remember I'm not that bad. My Father in heaven loves me and has a purpose for my life. My earthly parents love me and want me to be happy, healthy and productive. I am a good person; I can be a better person with God's help. I am able to reach out to my family, friends, and church family. I am not alone in the universe. I am an intelligent person who can solve complex problems in my job; therefore, I am capable of understanding that, while my emotions may be in turmoil, I am the same person I was when things seemed to be going better. With God's help, the support of my family and friends, I can get through this crisis. I set standards and expectations for myself that are often too high and unreasonable.  I am wi...

In no particular order another six friends throw their two cents in about daily time spent in the Word and prayer. The first of a pair of BFFs (seriously they are like two peas in a pod) said that she liked to read just before bed. Something that has helped her focus on God was referring to scripture when she wrote. Did I mention she’s a fellow writer? She also spoke of her desire to start memorizing scripture again. The second BFF responded said that when she was younger she kept a Bible beside her bed and read a chapter a night. Now, she does a morning routine, reading her Bible and doing morning meditation at the breakfast table. She raised an interesting point—she does not mandate a time limit. Her focus has been on concentration. Three minutes of undivided attention to the Word can often be enough, rather than sitting there for a prescribed time when her mind might wander. I like her thoughts on prayer: “anytime and often”. I can hear her voice in my head saying b...

I am very blessed to have been part of several Bible studies over the years. Currently I’m kind of in three again. I didn’t really plan on that, but so far it’s been crappy. Mostly because I’ve been depressed. Now I’m thinking God allowed me to get involved with all three groups again because there are people in each group that I need to connect to. I only hope that even in my current state I can return the blessing and be used by God in the Bible studies. Both former and current Bible study leaders said their devotions are in the morning. The first is before breakfast, for 20-30 minutes of study. The second is first thing every morning. She also adds that she views “quiet time as non-negotiable.” She likens her time with God in the morning as part of schedule, as much as showering or flossing teeth. She added that it was important to follow through with the commitment, often regardless of feelings. Another facilitator reminded me to not only 1) Make a plan but 2) Make a...

Recently I enlisted a bit of help from family and friends. I am struggling with doing devotions every day, reading my Bible, and dedicating myself to a time of prayer. I have been very selfish with my time and ignoring God a lot. When I started to ignore my friends and skip Bible Study, I realized things were going too far. I surveyed, in a most unscientific manner, the patterns and routines, or lack thereof, of those I knew professed belief in Christ. What did they do for devotions (or daily quiet time as it often known as)? How did they ensure prayer was a priority? What had worked in the past and what was currently working for them? When did they take time to read the Bible and spend focused time with God? Starting with some good ‘ol maternal advice, my mom had a number of suggestions for me. Start small. Read a little devotional article (one of those tiny one page book thingies) with breakfast. Write a few sentences of a prayer/spiritual to do list. Such as: 1. find...

emily said hope was a thing with feathers that perches in the soul... what if it flew the coop? do pet stores carry hope like gerbils, rabbits and fish? or perhaps one needs to put their hope on a special diet, to fatten up like a turkey in early fall. hope can not be fed on just itself others are needed to sustain it even when a mere whisp of hope remains that is enough to revive to full health to give it strength, to make it sing to let it fly above all

I may not be okay but seriously there are far, far bigger problems in the world.   From the devastating earthquake in Haiti, to the tight Connecticut race for Kennedy's old Senate seat, to Health Care reform, to Paula Abdula not being a judge on American Idol this season...  Okay maybe the last one isn't that earth-shattering.  I might get lynched by a couple friends who watch it but I'll take my chances. Part of me is kicking myself for being so selfish and self centered lately.  Who cares if I'm depressed?  Or I don't feel like myself? There are families with loved ones serving in the military in dangerous places around the world.  There are kids and families on the streets, around the world and in the U.S. that don't know when they're next meal will be or how they will survive another cold winter night without shelter.  There are children who have no father or mother; they both died from AIDS, or cancer, or a drunk driver hit their car. How dare I s...

fear the monster around the corner of daydreams in the shadows of musings beneath the surface of calm, cool and collected there lies chaos, confusion and consternation turmoil that cannot be escaped imagination warped intellect perverted haunted happiness and villainous joy the monster waits behind every smile waiting to question waiting to doubt waiting to engulf and devour

I'm on autopilot. I'm ignoring God, starting to ignore family and friends. Not reading my Bible or doing my bible study work. Not listening to sermons on my weekends at work. So why do I feel "okay" most of the time? Why do I still see God's hand moving in life, often right in front of my eyes? God is good. That is the truth. God's blessings and sovereignty are true even if I am not. I am unfaithful; God is eternally faithful. I am false and deceptive; God is true and doesn't change. Where do we go from here?

thoughts on my mind won't go away

"Hey, how are you?" "Hi, what's up?" "How you doing?" "How's it going" There are so many variations on this question.  In today's society people are trained to ask this question.  The response is also trained. "Okay." Really?  I mean, really?  We have been trained to not really care about the question or answer for most people we ask or answer.  It's a banal, cliche salutation exchange that's been ingrained into our heads. I try to fight it as much as I can.  I try to come up with different ways to say good.  But I don't want to mislead people if I'm having a crappy day.  Sometimes I admit I don't know.  Sometimes I'm cryptic because it's none of their business what's really going on with me. Honestly, though, I answer 'okay' a lot.  It's an automatic response.  But it's not always true. Recently I read a great book called, cold tangerines by Shauna Niequist.  In it she writes...

There are a myriad of reasons I'm weird; this is just one. I don't think I'm a fake, but I am a pretty good actress.  I'm not sure people realize that about me.  I'm a genuine article and truthfulness and honesty are important to me.  But sometimes it takes me a while to realize when I've been acting.  Or maybe I'm just flighty.  It doesn't seem to take much to bring me up or down. A good example is last week.  I did not want to go to BSF.  I hadn't finished my lesson, I was in a funk and I really didn't want to be around people.  (Yes I had a friend over but we can be in the same room and not really interact between our computers and the TV all being on) I went to BSF anyway because I'm refusing to let emotions rule me and/or my behavior.  My mind is in charge, not my heart.  Emotions lie and manipulate and confuse.  So I went to BSF and was running a little late; I missed the opening hymns and announcements.  I got to our dis...