Mikki's Posts

I did stay up late reading and taking notes and listening to what God, the Bible and myself were all telling me. So I did not get up at 0530 for Vigils and Lauds. Not that I had planned on it.  I'm a bit of a night owl. I did let myself sleep in a little but I made sure to get up and breakfast. It was a beautiful morning, though perhaps a little drizzly and slightly cloudy. After the continental breakfast, I went back to my room for the last couple hours I had it before check out. Mostly read and listened.  The previously mentioned thoughts, notes and epiphanies occurred over both days. Check out time was 11am but I didn’t have to leave the grounds or anything. I wandered down the hall and plopped down into one of the quiet rooms. It had a great view of some of the grounds and the cute little gazebo out front. I did some reading but I also studied the views. One of the forms of meditation Foster mentioned in Celebration is meditating upon creation. I have to...

Sooooooooo I didn’t read very much of Celebration of Disciple. Just two chapters. But they were good chapters.  Meditation was the subject of chapter 2. One of the first things that popped out at me was a quote from Carl Jung that said Hurry is not of the Devil; it is the Devil. There’s an entire blog dedicated to that topic later so we’ll move on for now. Apparently God desires my fellowship. And yours. Don’t ask me why because I still don’t quite understand why. One of the ways to be in fellowship with God is meditation. This is not to be confused with most Eastern religions view of meditation. Eastern meditation is focused with detaching oneself from the world and losing your identity. Meditation in the form Foster is addressing for Christians is about "ruminating on God’s Word", listening to God and filling your mind with God.  While Eastern meditation simply empties the mind, Christian meditation doesn’t just empty the mind of evil and selfishness and self, it go...

The second thing that came out of my reading Celebration was the idea that I’m scared of silence. And being alone. I definitely still have some solitude & abandonment issues which are completely irrational and downright silly. I fill my time with so much noise at work, at home and in the car. There’s always music or TV or the radio or something going to fill the void. There are a number of steps that I told myself I had to take when I got home. It wasn’t easy to start. It isn't easy to continue. Step One—I have to cut back on my TV again. I was very much addicted to TV in high school. It only got worse in college, esp. when I dropped into the lowest stage of my depression. I’ve fluctuated as an adult between better and worse. It was easier in many ways when I didn’t have cable. Luckily I have an understanding roommate who doesn’t mind parental controls being set. And I’ve happily rediscovered Disney, Nickelodeon and Boomerang. So I’ve already made some strides. But just...

Ahh, the fruits of of study.  It's pretty neat reading books and finding something new.  That happens alot with the Bible.  It also happened on my retreat with Foster's book. A couple things popped out of my Celebration of Discipline reading. The first is from page four where Foster states, Foster goes on to discuss how we humans try to overcome sin through our own willpower and determination. That thinking leads to certain failure. Sin is part of the internal structure of our lives. No special effort is needed to produce it. On page five Foster quotes Heini Arnold who says,  As long as we think we can save ourselves by our own willpower, we will only make the evil in us stronger than ever. WOW! Like, helllllooooo Mikki! Talk about slapping me in the face with words. Ouch. The idea that my willpower doesn’t has any defensive position against an unguarded moment had actually not occurred to me in a long time. I look back over the things I’ve struggled wi...

So I was sitting there eating and a lady who was not dressed as staff approached the table and asked if I was the one staying in the guest house. I said yes and she told me she was going to get a cup of coffee, implying to me that she would like to walk back with me. I finished up, cleared my place and then went down a couple tables to join her. I introduced myself and she did the same. Her name was Barbara and she was an oblate. I had no idea what that was at the time and she didn’t offer an explanation, even a little while later when I told her I was not Catholic. She was a delight to talk to and invited me to Compline, which is the evening prayer time. We ended up talking about a lot of things. Of note—she asked what I was. I started out with, I follow Christ. To me, that is the most important identification anyone can make. I mentioned my diversity of Christian denominations; I grew up in the Assemblies of God, my brother and sister-in-law go to a Baptist church, my dad and ste...

After the freak-out and unpacking I had explored the guest house a little just to get my bearing and get comfortable with the surrounding, and I had paused by the front desk. I picked up an info brochure about the guest house. Thankfully it listed all the meal times and I had discovered the guest house dining hall on the quick little self tour. I set my alarm but I ended up heading to the dining hall early. I thought it was weird that I got there under ten minutes early and the kitchen area was still dark and locked up. I sat outside for a little bit until I heard someone clanking around. That lady that I had almost run into earlier was in there. Checking the drink machines and clearing the trays left over from lunch. I went in, got another glass of cranberry juice and sat down. We smiled and acknowledged each other. The time crept by and about 5:40 or so I got up the courage to ask the lady if I was in the right place for dinner. She was shocked to say the least. She asked if an...

I finished the glass of cranberry juice and walked outside to a courtyard. I almost let myself get run over by a lady directing a tray rack to the kitchen. She and I exchanged pleasantries but she had no idea how uncomfortable I was. Out in the courtyard I could smell smoke. I had found the staff’s smoke break area. I sat down in the double sliding chair and tried to get a handle on myself. I couldn’t. I wanted to get into my car and just go home. I called Melissa T. I had been meaning to call her again. We kept missing each other this past week and playing phone tag. Almost as soon as I opened my mouth, I wanted to cry. I told her I couldn’t do this. That I felt out of place and uncomfortable. If you knew my friend Melissa, you’d know immediately she was not about to coddle me. I think I appreciate that about her the most. She doesn’t pull punches and she doesn’t sugar coat what needs to be said. She’s upfront and speaks her mind. Melissa told me I couldn’t go home. She said n...

I don't like change. I'm human. New experiences are scary and, well, new. So what did I do this week for my birthday? I went on a 2 day-1 night personal retreat down in Saint Meinrad, Indiana. My first personal retreat. Appropriately enough I stayed at the Saint Meinrad Archabbey (guest house, that is). (No, I haven't converted to Catholic. Yes, my birthday was in April but I'm celebrating all year long because I turned 30.) So, what does one do exactly on a personal retreat? Well, I’m glad you asked.  I got the idea from two books I’ve read this year. The first is Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and the second is Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Etheridge. The idea evolved into getting some intensive quality time with just me and God. An extended quiet time, if you will. I planned on taking some cues from Foster and doing some studying. The drive was beautiful. Straight shot down 65 to Louisville (that's pronounced Lou-uh-vul for those non-Kentuc...

Another year of BSF, another incredible study and fabulous discussion group...that's theory at least. I do have a great discussion leader with whom I think I've connected as well as a couple of ladies in the discussion group.  It's a terrific cluster with a diverse cast of personalities and a good mix of single, married, and married with kids. It's my second year in BSF.  Last year was the study of the life of Moses.  It was a wonderful study and a great introduction to the BSF formula.  This year we're studying the gospel of John.  And so far I'm really struggling with it. I guess I kind of feel like one of the Jews that just didn't get what John the Baptist or Jesus was saying.  It feels like something's not translating; as if I'm reading the Bible in the original Hebrew or Greek and can't make head or tails of it. Except I know what they're saying.  I believe what I'm reading is the truth (John 5:24, 5:31-38).  I...

The oars on the boat rowed as if they had a mind of ther own. Indeed the entire day seemed to possess a consciousness, a sentience, a being. The gentle morning light beckoned the day on, and the heat from the suns' rays sizzled as they met the cool breeze. Afternoon came and the wind whispered, the trees danced,  and the flowers gossiped endlessly, as the lake chuckled in the wake of the rowing boat, small as it was. The burning light of fire gave way to soothering rays of dandelion; soon the reeds along the lake side drooped with the weepeing willow as if sad the day was passing so quickly. The light shining on the crystal surface under the boar transformed gradually from yellow to orange and red to pink and violet and blue until finally all that was there was a streak of silver across the water. The man in the moon looked down and smiled on the boat as it rowed itself further and further out, ignoring the appearance of night. Copyright Michelle Post

A poem about poetry? How odd thought the poet. Though a verse to praise the delightful prose seems quite approriate. Many becomes few. Less becomes more. Difficult becomes plain. Simple becomes complex. Anyone can write, Anyone can rhyme, Expressing what's inside their heart and mind. Discovering  a new world or just new avenues. Leaving behind comfort zones, Stepping into others' shoes. Possibilities to infinity and probably beyond. A poem about poetry, mused the poet, why didn't I think of it before? Copyright Michelle Post

color me night let all your grey dreams sizzle in the cold rain dark is the fire that falls

They drove in silence, the distance between them growing more with every minute that passes. So much has happened and been said that neither he nor she can quite recall how the argument began or what had started it; what each of them knows for certain is that words have been spoken in anger and rage, words that might never be forgotten. Rain falls on the windsheild, soothing cool water that calms the anger lingering in the air. Thunder and lightening interrupt the still atmosphere as if attempting to spark the flame of dissention again. Misty glass reveals the humidity taking its toll; it goes unnoticed as blue clouds emerge and begin to replace the storm clouds. The gentle shower has pacified their tempers And...as the sky begins to clear all is forgiven. Copyright Michelle Post

Of Beth and Dave I wish to rave, whose kindred soul's found one another, possessing a love so strong and brave, only God could have brought together. Whose kindred souls found one another, love so evident it's contagious, only God could have brought together two spirits who are so courageous. Love so evident it's contagious! Han and Leia they remind me of, two spirits who are so courageous, surely their strength comes from above. Han and Leia they remind of, possessing love so strong and brave, surely their strength comes from above, thus ends my rave of Beth and Dave. Copyright Michelle Post Note:  Wrote this for Beth and Dave on the occasion of their wedding.  As I look back over my years of writing this one is a favorite, perhaps due to the effort I exerted in trying out a new form of poetry and actually following the rules of it's form!

never easy summer leaving must collect the light keep for winter can use when cold or sad to warm up and remember Copyright Michelle Post

you surrender to my arms like... melt beneath my fingers like... linger under my skin like... dance through my mind like... spin around my heart like... and all i can do is ...breathe... Copyright Michelle Post