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Dents in My Fender

Sorry to butcher the English language, Mom, but today kinda sucked.  Several things went well this morning.  But then a bunch of stuff just blew up in my face, metaphorically speaking.  (At my job, there are things that could blow up.)

So yesterday there were several crying fits for no reason.  "Be careful what you wish for."  Today I had a reason for the breakdown into tears.  Not that it was really work that was getting to me.  Yes, the frustration of work was not helping and I did get a little violent with a disposable glove box that was packed so tight I couldn't get gloves out and when I pulled really hard they flung up and out and spread over the floor, and chair and desk in a seven foot radius....

Really though it was because I got off to a bad start. I missed the whole of my devotions this morning.  I got rattled when there was a truck on the highway for about 6 miles with no lights on.  I prayed he'd get them on and as I exited I finally saw them appear.  How do you let someone behind you know they've got no lights?  I came into work and really started on the wrong foot on my instrument maintence to get done for the day. 

So little misstep build on little misstep to the point that the only keeping me at work was my tunes.

I had a plan to survive the evening, make sure I made it to my Bible study and stayed on track.  I called a girlfriend to have dinner with me.  The only thing I didn't do well with is where we went, but I was hurting and wanted comfort food. 

Then I made myself get to BSF.  I raised my hand a bunch and volunteered on challenge questions.  Talking was the last thing I wanted to do but I made myself get into the discussion and laugh and joke and share.  (I love my discussion group.  I loved last year's group.  I think I'll love every group.)

Then I sat with one of my group members and my leader, in the middle of them so I couldn't bolt before the lecture was done.  I did my best to take good notes and pay attention.

Lastly I called my mom and talked to her while I was sitting in the church parking lot.  Updated her on my progress and news, heard about her political adventures from the weekend, talked psychology (I definitely get my tendency to self-analyze from her), talked about my brother and my roommate.  Finally she kicked me off the phone when she realized I wasn't home and needed to got to bed soon.  (Some of us get up pretty darn early in the morning.)

I feel a bit like this amazing song by Francesca Battistelli called "Free to be me"

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But you've already won the battle
And you've got great plans for me
Though i can`t always see

`cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

`cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you`re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But you look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all you seek
And it`s easy to believe
Even though

`cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me


Copyright by Francesca Battistelli 
 God is good even when I don't feel good.  Today was good even when I didn't see it.

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