What Makes Me Mad

I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7:7-9

For your Maker is your husband--the Lord Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:5

In my last post, I mentioned a brother in Christ was upset* over the lack of single men who were also godly men, strong in their faith. He drove away from a party I'd hosted, talking to his wife and just couldn't believe that two smart, beautifully spiritual women could still be unmarried, referring to my roommate and myself. *Upset was not the word he used, but I haven't decided if 'pissed' is a cuss word or not. :)

My friend talked to me about it and the fact that he was angry that there are so many idiots out there. I had to laugh at that. It was refreshing to hear a guy lament the situation in life I find myself in. I tend to think no one but my single girlfriends really understands what's going on. Sure, the married girlfriends have been there, but they're married now. Their perspective is certainly and definitely invaluable but it doesn't always feel sympathetic.

So where ARE all the available godly men?

There's not a lot of them in church. At least that I've seen. Having been a part of the young adult leadership in the past, I can safely say from my experience that many young single men who are Christians aren't coming to young adult activities or singles groups.

Maybe they're just not at the churches I've been to.

One thing has become clear. Well, several things actually.

1) There are relativity few single men who are strong men of God. I'm sorry if you are reading this and are one, but you gotta admit: you're an endangered species.

2) A lot of the single guys you find at church are there because of a girl. That may or may not mean they themselves believe in Jesus, but they certainly want to be with said girl and if said girl is in church, so will they.

3) Many of the strong godly men I know who are married didn't necessarily start out the relationship or even marriage as a strong godly man.

There are some exceptions to that--I can list a couple friends right off the bat who are blessed that their husbands were strong men of God from the beginning. That doesn't mean they're perfect men; they're still human and they still fail and stumble and don't do everything right. But the glue that holds those husbands and wives together is Jesus.

And a couple of them have had a talking to from me. My favorite story is about a couple I know who are both dear friends. When they started dating I pulled them aside and told him that basically if he ever hurt her, they'd never find his body. We laughed about it, still do but the truth is I would totally go through with it if I had to. But I know I won't.

So, the questions that comes to mind are--am I setting my standards too high? Am I demanding too much of a potential husband? I don't think I am setting myself up to a life of no man matching up, but I'm open to the possibility I could be wrong. However, there are a number of things that are non-negotiable traits when it comes to a husband as far as I am concerned. I'm not willing to settle. I'm not sure I'm willing to lower the bar of expectations. Right now, I'm determined to not worry about it. It ultimately is up to God whether I marry. I hope and pray that I am able to discern His will in all my present and future relationships.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11