The topic came up again tonight. A brother in Christ shared with me that he recently asked his wife, "How does that happen? How is it that two beautifully spiritually women are not married?" He was talking about my roommate and I. I told him I had many times asked the same thing.
He explained he had come to the conclusion that we were both waiting for a spiritually mature man of God. And he had thought out loud to his wife, there aren't any. Well, he acknowledged they do exist, they are simply few and far between. And he's right. (He's also a little angry about it but that's another blog).
I'm frustratingly at peace with my singleness right now. I'm okay with it, but I'm struggling to figure out what it means. What does a life serving God as a single woman look like? How do I know I'm fully committed and devoted to Him as my first love?
The biggest question in my mind has been and still is this: if I never marry, if I remain single til Christ returns or I die (whichever comes first)---will I still love God? Will I still serve Jesus if God never brings the man into my life he's prepared for me? If there is no man prepared for me? Will I still follow Him? Do I trust God that my future will be full and complete and content without a husband? If I never fall in love with a man who falls in love back, will I still love Jesus?
Yes.
No matter how wonderful my potential future husband might be, no matter how amazing he might be, no matter how loving, compassionate, Christ-like, romantic, tender, strong he may be, he will always be only human. He will let me down. He may hurt my feelings, neglect me sometimes, take me for granted, forget an important date, forget to listen to me, get me a power tool for Christmas or hang out with his guys too long and miss dinner.
But Jesus won't.
Jesus will not let me down. He won't forsake me. He is the perfect first love because he is perfect. He is God. He will always love me, and always cherish me. He'll never let me go. He can live up to those absolutes, where a mere mortal, human man cannot.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:8a
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5
There is no man here on earth that can live up to all the Christ can and should be to me. Christ can fulfill me like no man, actually no one, can.
It may happen. It may not. I can't pin my future hopes and dreams on someone like that. I can, however, do that with God. He has bigger dreams and plans for me than I could ever imagine. They may or may not include walking down the aisle. And I think I'm okay with that.
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