Skip to main content

Where do I go from here?

Feeling like I am not living up to my full potential.  Like somehow I an letting people down.  Should I not be more cutting edge?  Should I not be more indispensable?  Should I not be more "important"?

Part of the answers lie in the question of the lens I view myself through.  The world's? God's?  It makes a difference.  The world's eyes are easier but often more disappointing to gaze with.  God's view is harder to grasp but infinitely full of grace, love and worthiness.

Where did all these expectations come from that I foist onto myself?  Where did I get the notion that I should be more than what am I and to be less than that is to be a failure?

This is not where I thought I would be at this age.  But looking back I am not really sure where I thought I would be.

Perhaps that's the problem.

I have spent so much of life just living it.  I have had goals but I must admit I have not often reached them; at least not the goals that seem to matter.

I have found new contentment in the last week.  But even within that contentment I want something to change.  I want to be a "go-getter".  I want to find my dream job and attain it.  I want to get married and have a partner in my service to God.  I want to be out of debt and living within my budget.  

The question is "Where do I go from here?"

For the moment the answer is "I do not know."
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BSF Study Finishing Up Leviticus

Leviticus 26 is a good read. It's the blessings and punishments the Lord details to the Isrealites for obeying or disobeying the decrees and laws handed down at Mt. Sinai. First God lays out the blessings and they are wonderful. Abundant crops, peace, victory over enemies, God dwelling and walking among the people...the first 13 verses are brimming with promises of rewards for obeying God's decress and law. Then, dude, there's a lot of punishments. And yes, they are terrible. The consequences of disobeying God are numerous and destructive and, quite frankly, depressing. Four times, in verses 18, 21, 24 & 28, God says that He will punish their sins 7x over. That's heavy. But all this despair is not without hope. Starting in verse 40 God shows the way out of disobedience and wrath....confess their (the Isrealites) sins, humble their uncircumcised hearts and pay for their sins (by the sin offering set up earlier in the Law). THEN God says He will not reject them,...
2 comments
Read more

Always with the new beginnings

Wow. A lot can change in a couple months. My first year in Bible Study Fellowship is now over. It's weird. I'm sad to be losing my discussion group. They're a wonderful collage of women from whom I have learned much. They've made me laugh, they've touched my soul and shown me perspectives I could never truly imagine on my own. In another week and half, my ladies Bible study group on Wednesday, which I lovingly nickname my McDanell study, will be finishing up our current book called The Cycles of Victorious Living by Earl and Hazel Lee. It's a good book and I would recommend it. A little birdie called the church bulletin, informed me the Wednesday night group would study Hebrews next. I hope that is true--I'm ready for digging into a book of the Bible study. Lastly, my small group has started a new book. (Yes, I was in three Bible studies this winter. No, I'm probably not doing that again). The book is something Dave L. was reading and thought we'd...
3 comments
Read more

New Mantra

Not really my own writing.  But something I got from my mom.  A reminder of who I really am, so that in those moments, hours, days, whatever, when I'm "feeling" less than my best or I'm beating myself up over a percieved failure I can read this and remember I'm not that bad. My Father in heaven loves me and has a purpose for my life. My earthly parents love me and want me to be happy, healthy and productive. I am a good person; I can be a better person with God's help. I am able to reach out to my family, friends, and church family. I am not alone in the universe. I am an intelligent person who can solve complex problems in my job; therefore, I am capable of understanding that, while my emotions may be in turmoil, I am the same person I was when things seemed to be going better. With God's help, the support of my family and friends, I can get through this crisis. I set standards and expectations for myself that are often too high and unreasonable.  I am wi...
Post a Comment
Read more