Where do I go from here?

Feeling like I am not living up to my full potential.  Like somehow I an letting people down.  Should I not be more cutting edge?  Should I not be more indispensable?  Should I not be more "important"?

Part of the answers lie in the question of the lens I view myself through.  The world's? God's?  It makes a difference.  The world's eyes are easier but often more disappointing to gaze with.  God's view is harder to grasp but infinitely full of grace, love and worthiness.

Where did all these expectations come from that I foist onto myself?  Where did I get the notion that I should be more than what am I and to be less than that is to be a failure?

This is not where I thought I would be at this age.  But looking back I am not really sure where I thought I would be.

Perhaps that's the problem.

I have spent so much of life just living it.  I have had goals but I must admit I have not often reached them; at least not the goals that seem to matter.

I have found new contentment in the last week.  But even within that contentment I want something to change.  I want to be a "go-getter".  I want to find my dream job and attain it.  I want to get married and have a partner in my service to God.  I want to be out of debt and living within my budget.  

The question is "Where do I go from here?"

For the moment the answer is "I do not know."