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Gonna Be a Loooooooong Winter

So after much struggle and ups and down I am feeling good.  Coping well with life and work and the dreary season upon us.

It has been quite the adventure the last month.  I was a zombie for a few weeks.  I saw it primarily at work.  I was there, I did my job but my heart was not in it.  I did the bare minimum.  And I was miserable most of the time. I think I even stressed out myself too the point I got sick.  My boss had to send my home early one day because I just could not function between the sinus pressure and headache, my eyes hurt and everything was incredibly loud.

There were some occasional good days and moments but secretly I cried a lot.  For no apparent reason mostly.

I didn't sink too far into depression.  I made myself go to my small group, Wed night Bible study, and BSF.  Yes I'm in all three again.  I know it's a lot of bible study but I really need accountability and frankly the fellowship.  I managed to reach out to everyone and ask them to pray for me during the last month.  And I managed to get out on days off and have lunch with friends or help baby-sit or hang out and stay grounded to reality.

And once again I'm learning my lesson that God must be my all.  He's the only reason I have been so joyful at work this week.  God is who I truly work for and He is the one who ultimately cuts my paycheck.

I can't rely on others to always help me. I can't trust my feelings.  I can't allow my feelings to control my actions.  My friends and family are WONDERFUL and I know their prayers and time with me and love make all the difference in the world.

But they are only human.  And in the dark of the night when it is just me facing...whatever...God is the one who is with me.  Jesus has promised to be with me always. He has never let me down and His faithfulness and love are so great I can hardly fathom them..

And so I am digging in the Bible studies I am in.  I want to want to desire God and His Word.  I want to want to fall in love with Jesus.

And the word is true...God does reward those who seek Him and He will be found!

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
1 Chronicles 28:9
“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.
Joshua 1:5 
No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Psalm 86:15
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Psalm 57:10
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

More on coping with depression on Beyond Mikki's Smile blog...

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