Faith is not always a champion which marches alone. Sometimes faith is accompanied by fear. Faith is not the absence of questioning; it is the presence of action in the midst of those questions. Faith does not provide all the answers; it provides a basis for confidence in the midst of unreasonable circumstances.
--Woodrow Kroll
we are told the faith of a mustard seed is all we need.
a mustard seed? really?
the tiniest seed one will ever see,
that is all we need to move the mountains to the sea...
a question, however, looms in my mind like a guillotine--
do I possess even that mustard seed?
I let my fear be bigger;
it towers over me like a giraffe shadows a blade of grass
I give the fear power,
and with power comes control.
I allow myself to be helpless.
(is that because I think I can no longer be blamed when I am not in control?)
why do I freely surrender my life to fear and doubt and apprehension?
my questions pile up like potato skins,
as if I am on KP duty for breaking the rules.
why don’t I have a husband? is there someone out there for me?
will I ever marry? can I actually be loved like that?
these are my questions; where is my faith?
I want answers—not just confidence.
(perhaps because I do not feel confident).
although,
even I would admit that the circumstances I find myself in are not necessarily,
unreasonable,—
uncomfortable, yes… pathetically lonely, probably…
however, not altogether uncommon…I suppose…
though am I really to take comfort in the idea, the fact,
the knowledge that there are billions of people in the world that feel like this?
how does that help?
what does my faith do to assuage the tears?
what does my faith do to repel the darkness in my heart?
what does my faith do to combat the loneliness in my soul?
it boils down to the bottom line that goes a little something like this;
do I believe God’s promise for me;
do I trust that my Creator has the best in store for me?
am I sure of what I do not, cannot see?
a future of fulfilled promises, of joy, of contentment…
a future. period.
I think I know the answer and I am afraid to acknowledge it.
is my answer “I don’t know” really a no?
and what does that mean for my soul?
© Michelle Post
--Woodrow Kroll
we are told the faith of a mustard seed is all we need.
a mustard seed? really?
the tiniest seed one will ever see,
that is all we need to move the mountains to the sea...
a question, however, looms in my mind like a guillotine--
do I possess even that mustard seed?
I let my fear be bigger;
it towers over me like a giraffe shadows a blade of grass
I give the fear power,
and with power comes control.
I allow myself to be helpless.
(is that because I think I can no longer be blamed when I am not in control?)
why do I freely surrender my life to fear and doubt and apprehension?
my questions pile up like potato skins,
as if I am on KP duty for breaking the rules.
why don’t I have a husband? is there someone out there for me?
will I ever marry? can I actually be loved like that?
these are my questions; where is my faith?
I want answers—not just confidence.
(perhaps because I do not feel confident).
although,
even I would admit that the circumstances I find myself in are not necessarily,
unreasonable,—
uncomfortable, yes… pathetically lonely, probably…
however, not altogether uncommon…I suppose…
though am I really to take comfort in the idea, the fact,
the knowledge that there are billions of people in the world that feel like this?
how does that help?
what does my faith do to assuage the tears?
what does my faith do to repel the darkness in my heart?
what does my faith do to combat the loneliness in my soul?
it boils down to the bottom line that goes a little something like this;
do I believe God’s promise for me;
do I trust that my Creator has the best in store for me?
am I sure of what I do not, cannot see?
a future of fulfilled promises, of joy, of contentment…
a future. period.
I think I know the answer and I am afraid to acknowledge it.
is my answer “I don’t know” really a no?
and what does that mean for my soul?
© Michelle Post
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